Letting go of control
It's been a while since I posted. I apologize for that. Those of you who follow along with me on insta know that life has been a little crazy lately. Here's the low down on what my life has looked like this summer. Prepare yourselves for a looooong post!
-Wake up at 5:30 and get myself ready
-Feed the baby monster and set him up with a show in bed
-Prep food for myself and baby monster
-Prep diaper bag
-Then drive! The mister and I alternate dropping off the little guy with his Nana or Gampa. Drop off means 70-80 minutes of drive time before getting to work. On days I don't drop off it's roughly 30 minutes of drive time depending on traffic.
-Do science! I work for a biotech company doing research and technology development. I enjoy my job and I work with great people. What I'm working on changes everyday and things are always new and interesting. Bonus: the mister works down the street so we can sneak in lunch or Starbucks at least once a week.
-Baby monster pickup. Again, the mister and I alternate this responsibility every other day. On days I pick up I leave work a bit early and drive time is roughly 90 minutes to get home. On days I don't pick up I teach a yoga class right after work, the mister drops the kiddo off with me right after and he takes off for class and kiddo and I head home.
-Once home it's cleaning, prepping food, getting kiddo ready for bed, workout, shower, and bed! The mister also has class for 4 hours twice a week and doesn't get home until late.
My schedule is busy. My little family spends way too much time on the road. In the end though, we get it done. We get alllll of it done ha ha.
Now...Summer extras, because I'm not already spread thin:
We started evaluating our schedules and driving and realized our little boy is spending 2.5 hours, minimum, in his carseat each day. That broke my heart. That's not okay. This is mostly because childcare is 100% provided by my parents. While this is such a blessing, it does require a ton of driving.
In addition, there is literally no reason for us to live where we do. We don't even work close to home! Also, we live near the wetlands and the mosquitoes are insane. We can't actually go out in the summer after about 7 or so because you'll get eaten alive.
So...after very little discussion a couple of months ago we decided it was time to move. We've only been in our home 3 years and we've done so much work to it and finally have it to a point where we're starting to feel like it fits us, but, it has served it's purpose and it's definitely time to move on.
Our home went under contract within 24 hours of going on the market which was insane. We found a home we liked near my parents about 4 days after that and are currently under contract. This will change our lives so much. we will commute 45 min each way and my son will be in the car about 10 min/day which is incredible. Things are moving so quickly and it's really exciting.
Now, all of that to get to my point, things are stressful. I am slightly obsessive about, well, everything. I feel like I kind of have to be with such a busy schedule or things don't get done. Also, when I decided I'm doing something I usually throw myself at it completely. I take on too much. I spread myself thin. I want to control each tiny detail and if things aren't just how I planned it causes me a lot of anxiety and I want to fix it. I just can't let it go. I get stressed and break down which makes the mister crazy ha ha. I know I'm not alone in this. I was actually surprised at how many women seem to feel this same way when I posted about it on insta recently. I've been thinking a lot about what makes me uncomfortable? What do I feel I need to control?
With all that is going on right now I feel this is the perfect opportunity for me to relinquish my need to control, or at least tone it the crap down! This is a lesson I need to learn, it's something and I need to work on. I always talk about "progress not perfection" in my fitness but I think that needs to be applied more in my day to day life as well. There is something very freeing about letting go of control and letting things happen and fall into place. I'm not saying I'm going to completely step aside and hope my home magically packs itself, but I'm forcing myself into a place of discomfort by pushing out timelines, changing how I do things, delegating, and letting go of worry. You only grow through going through discomfort. This is a challenge for me but it's something I need to do.
So for now, I'm trying taking it easy. I'm sticking to my extended timelines. I'm staying centered and handling my anxiety through my workouts, yoga, and running. I'm forcing myself to take a step back when that anxiety hits and try to think through it and see where it's coming from before reacting to it.
Feel the discomfort, move through it, and let it go.